Stay Informed

Summertime Stress Leads to Domestic Violence

It is over 100 degrees outside at 6 p.m., the power just went out, the air conditioning shut off, the food in the fridge will spoil within the hour, your hair is plastered to the back of your neck by sweat, children are out of school and complaining, no fans, no television, no internet, no help.

This is a familiar scenario for many Central California residents during the most grueling summer months. Imagine adding a partner who is violent, and consumes excessive amounts of alcohol; these additional complications are what many more will experience during the coming summer months.

Every year there is a large spike in domestic violence incidents in the Central Valley. This is often due to the following reasons:

• Increased Irritability – emotional tension brought on by heat can easily translate to outbursts and/or domestic violence issues
• Alcohol and Social Events – during the warmer months the likelihood of social gatherings like; weddings, graduation parties, BBQ’s and other outdoor events bring a higher consumption of alcohol which lowers inhibitions and can lead to lack of judgment during tense situations.
• Children Out of School – Interaction with children who are under-stimulated during school breaks can frustrate parents who are already taxed by work and other responsibilities.

“The Marjaree Mason center hits its peak in the summer months. June, July and August are the busiest time of the year. It costs us $75 per day to house an individual in our safe house, and on average they bring two children and stay with us for 31 days. These numbers add up and it puts an immense strain on our budget over the next few months”, says Genelle Taylor Kumpe, Executive Director of the Marjaree Mason Center.

Staying safe, cool and out of dangerous situations this summer is a community effort. Report domestic violence incidents and reach out if you witness or are a victim of domestic violence. There is always help available at the Marjaree Mason Center. If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, call our 24 hour confidential crisis hotline at 559.233.HELP (4357).

Helping a Victim of Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse can often be more difficult to recognize. This is often due to the idea that victims believe that they do not want help, do not deserve help, or could be fearful that attempts for help could cause greater danger for themselves and their loved ones.

It is also common for victims to be unaware that they need help. If you suspect that someone you love is experiencing emotional abuse, it is essential to help them develop an awareness of what is happening.

When it has become evident that there is emotional abuse, someone close to the victim should establish trust and speak to them about the reality and severity of their situation. There may be no physical marks; however, the results are just as cruel and oppressive. Emotional abuse victims vary in regards to their thoughts about their abuser, their self-image, self-esteem, self-efficacy, and whether or not they believe that they need to leave their abuser. With this in mind, family or friends should be aware of the victim’s feelings and point of view before trying to help. It may take courage for the victim to accept help, as well as from those who are trying to help, but the only way that the abuse can end is by someone speaking up and offering support.

Marjaree Mason Center offers a 12 week domestic violence education course, S.A.F.E. Group that serves to inform victims and community members about the dynamics of a relationship involving domestic violence.

In the event of an emergency, or if you or someone you love is experiencing any form of emotional abuse or domestic violence, call Marjaree Mason Center’s 24 hour confidential hotline at 559.233.HELP (4357).

LGBTQ and Domestic Violence

Domestic Violence has no boundaries. It crosses all racial, ethnic, economic, and social lines including sexual orientation. Studies show that the LGBTQ+ (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transsexual, Questioning, and more) community experiences domestic violence just as much as heterosexual populations. The National Violence Against Women survey found that 21.5 percent of men and 35.4 percent of women in the LGBTQ+ community have experienced intimate partner violence at some point in their lifetime.  However, LGTBQ individuals may face several more complex issues in regards to emotional and psychological abuse, which can affect whether or not they will report and seek help. 

These reasons include fear of coming out or exposure of their sexuality. Cultural and community acceptance of LGBTQ identifying individuals varies from place to place, ranging from wide-spread acceptance to open discrimination, and abusers sometimes use the threat of exposure to control a victim. There are many individuals who have not yet come out to friends, family, or their work place, and for someone who is in a domestic violence relationship, they will often do all that they can to hide their situation in order to avoid it.

Have empathy, and understand that domestic violence can affect anyone. The Marjaree Mason Center promotes education and advocacy in support of all who have been a victim of a domestic violence relationship. Encourage them to drop by, or call our 24 hour confidential hotline at 559.233.HELP (4357). 

The Cycle of Violence

The cycle of violence is a repeating pattern often seen in abusive relationships. It involves three different stages that continuously repeat until the victim is able to leave the relationship. What often makes the situation even worse is that as the cycle continues the violence often escalates and worsens.

Tension Building Stage

Abuser:

The abuser becomes increasingly agitated and aggressive.

Some behaviors include:

• Crazy-Making
• Criticizing
• Displaying moody behavior
• Drinking/drugs
• Nitpicking
• Putting-down
• Threatening
• Withdrawing affection
• Yelling

Victim:

The victim senses the abuser’s agitation and has the feeling of walking on eggshells. The victim will do anything to avoid the appending explosion.

Some behaviors include:

• Agreeable/rarely disagrees
• Attempting to calm/soothe
• Intense focus on keeping children quiet
• Excessive nurturing
• Staying away from family and friends
• Trying to please abuser
• Trying to reason with abuser
   

Acute Explosion

Abuser:

The abuser initiates aggressive, verbal or physical abuse, in attempt to control and oppress the victim.

Some behaviors include:

• Destroying property
• Hitting
• Humiliating
• Imprisoning
• Raping
• Strangulating
• Using weapons
• Verbally abusing

Victim:

The victim may feel the need to protect themselves, escape, or call for help.

Some behaviors include:

• Leaving
• Police called by victim or witness
• Protecting self
• Trying to calm batterer
• Trying to reason
   

Honeymoon Stage

Abuser:

The abuser feels guilty for inflicting abusive behavior, primarily out of a concern of being found guilty of abuse, shamed by others, or left by the victim, rather than feelings of sympathy for the victim.

Some behaviors include:

• Begging for forgiveness
• Crying
• Declaring love
• Enlisting family support
• Initiating romance gestures
• Promising to get help
• Self-mutilation
• Wanting to get counseling

Victim:

The victim feels relieved, cared about, and questions their responsibility for the abuse. They are happy to be in a place of peace and the victim believes there is hope for the future of the relationship.

Some behaviors include:

• Agreeing to stay
• Attempting to stop legal proceeding
• Feeling happy and hopeful of change
• Returning to taking back the abuser
• Setting up counseling

The cycle of violence could occur hundreds of times in a relationship, and the severity and recurrence all depends on those involved. The stages themselves can even vary in length depending on the relationship. The cycle describes a pattern and a possible explanation for how and why victims stay in an abusive relationship. Often times in the honeymoon stage, the abuser shows a side of themselves that the victim may truly love, pushing them further into the relationship and the continuous cycle. However, no matter how long the honeymoon phase lasts, or how severe the explosion becomes, the cycle needs to come to an end, and Marjaree Mason Center is here to help.

If you or someone you love is experiencing this dangerous cycle of violence call Marjaree Mason Center’s 24 hour confidential hotline at 559.233.HELP (4357).